Mood: Spidey Sense
Listening to: Pants
Watching: Tube socks
Drinking: Ball gowns
Yes, this is one of my stupid rants. :'D
Sciencey version: A long, long time ago humans first evolved from fish-monsters or some stupid junk like that and soon found themselves dying due to all their blood spewing from their noses like waterfalls because they couldn't control themselves and were constantly staring at each other's nakedness. To prevent the extinction of humans, clothes were invented so people couldn't constantly see everybody else's sexy business.
Magical version: The universe went poof and humans magically came into existence. Dinosaurs never existed, mind you, so humans were never scared into obeying their godly master/masters and they soon founding themselves lusting after each other to the max even though the godly guys totally said not to. Clothes were invented in an attempt to trick the godly overseers into thinking humans were still as pure as the driven snow-- or something like that.
Awsome version: Clothes exist just 'cause.
CLOTHES. The exist for a reason, so stop embarrassing your ancestors and wear some. And I mean wear them good. Wear them hard.
++Buy a belt and actually WEAR your pants. Wearing your pants on your ankles makes you look like you are too stupid to figure out how to bend over, pull your pants back up, and them secure them with one of them belt-thingies. I know it's a lot for your poor, useless brain to have to register THAT many things at once, but if you can't figure it out, just don't even bother putting on pants! If you do that, your appearance will match your level of intelligence.
++Clothes were invented to hide your sexy business, so don't wear clothes that hide everything but. Wear shorts that don't look like underwear, shirts that don't show off all your chestly glory, and understand that wearing fishnet tights with your booty shorts does make you look like a hooker. Remember kids, when you wear clothes that show off all your sexy business, you have absolutely no right to then complain about how all the boys/girls you attract are not nice enough. 'Cause they ain't there to be nice, they're there 'cause you show off your sexy business to everyone and wanted to get in on that. True story.
++Somebody else worked hard to make those clothes you buy, so don't buy clothes that some jerk-face had the audacity to vandalize. Bleach stains, holes, rips and tears. Don't buy clothes that look like that! And don't go cutting holes in your pants either. It makes you look like you can't be trusted and like you can't afford new clothes. Because normal clothes don't look like that until after years and years and years of careless ware, and most people replace clothes before then. Basically, it makes you look like you'll borrow somebody else's money, lose it gambling, and then never pay it back-- until they come to your house and take your girl/boyfriend as payment.
++Crossdress more often.
++Wear clothes that actually fit you. If you have more rolls than a dinner table or look like an upside down Hershey's Kiss when you sit, don't buy that super tight midriff top that that miniskirt. Likewise, if you look like a skeleton or could be propped up in the corn field to scare away crows and small children, don't wear potato sacks in public.
CLOTHES. Now that you have all been properly educated in the art of wearing them, you must fly! Fly out into the world dressed like a winner!